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Posts Tagged ‘Raised By Wolves’

[We’re all in this together.]

Well, hello there, gorgeous.  It’s been a long time.  A long, long time.  A long, long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.   But, it’s a pleasure to be in your presence again.

What’s happened while we’ve been apart?  My goodness, let me tell you:

  • Miles’ life turned, briefly, into a Lifetime movie (fortunately, not The Pregnancy Pact.  Something closer to Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life)
  • Beyonce and Jay-Z announced the conception of their child.  Kanye West got adorably excited about it.
  • Chaperone sniffed an awful lot of rubber cement preparing these: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4OEX2mzAAE&feature=player_embedded

Now, if I may, I’d like to share a little bit of information about that last bullet.  We, in Chaperone, have created 500 (or, you know, 150) individually designed and assembled record sleeves for your visceral enjoyment.  Each one is imbued with the powers of those who made it.

Here’s a rundown of the various powers you may be receiving:

Shaun Paul: Tallness, Mustache Growing, Creepy Beard, Immunity to Dairy, Southern Accent When Mad/Sleepy, Surfer Hair, The Chords of D, C, and G, Uncontrollable Urge to Say the Word Dong, Ghost Adventure-itis,

Mark Sheridan: Unstoppable Editing, Atari Shirt, Multi-instrumentalism, vivid music-related dreaming, cascading waterfall hair, gonzo comedy, invitation to the New York Film Festival, embarrassing high-school photos.

Shaylah Kloska: Adorability +3, Vocational Awesomeness, Lyrical Proficiency, Early to Bed-itude, Part-Time Glutonlessness, Wolf’s Blood, Knife Skills, Landing The Man of Your Dreams, Mighty Collageing, Drunken Domesticity, Cold-Blooded Murderer Syndrome

Christian Rogala: Bad-ass haircut, Cuban Grooves, Spot-On Tom Waits Impression, Hug Magnet, Way With Kids, Omni-instrumentalism, Young at Heart, Allergy to BBQ Chips, Classical Training, Sunny Disposition, American Spirit

Miles Doornbos: Crushing Debt, Romance and Ruin, Obscene Bakery, Nude Apron Wearing, Long Torso Oh NO!, Hip-Hop Hands, Spreading Yourself too Thinerism, Nimble Fingers, Wide Nails, Nerditude, Ghost Adventure-itis, Self Made Hair.

Enjoy all these and more by purchasing our 7″ single at Logan Square Auditorium on Friday, Sept. 2nd: http://www.facebook.com/#!/event.php?eid=249743858372057

Until later,

-Chaperone

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[In which we realize that God may, in fact, be a circle pit.]

Let’s not kid ourselves here, there are questions about my commitment to this blog.  It seems to many that if R. Kelly stopped releasing songs and artists I respected stopped dying, this blog wouldn’t be updated at all.  Truth.

That said, here are some tidbits:

  • Chaperone will be assaulting your ear drums at Wicker Park Fest [July 24th, 2:45PM].  We’ll be sharing the stage with a myriad of amazing bands, including our friends Ha Ha Tonka and our future lovers Wild Flag.  Quoting Sleater-Kinney and Portlandia is an accepted method of seduction, correct?
  • Chaperone will also be partaking in a Milwaukee Avenue Arts Fest After Party [or, as the kids call it, an MAAFAP (and then they all laugh, cause *fap* is internet slang for masturbating.  Oh, 4Chan, you truly are the Lenny Bruce of the internet generation)].  Catch us at Cole’s on July 29th.
  • Chaperone will then be releasing a 7″ single entitled “Raised by Wolves” on 8/2.  Pitchfork made mention of this.  We’re right below Boston Spaceships’ “Let it Beard”.  If you have any money left after purchasing that gem [or the Arcade Fire DVD, Okkervil River single, Moonface album, etc…], please consider purchasing our record as well.  We promise that it will be, at the very least, useful for killing a (few) zombie(s).
  • 1/5th of Chaperone watched fireworks from the beach rather than Fucked Up at Lincoln Hall.  It was worth it.  Next time, however, he’ll be inviting the members of Fucked Up to perform at the beach while fireworks are going off.  Valentine’s Day is looking mighty fine this year.

That is, I think, all.  If you have any questions/complaints/concerns/quality control issues, please don’t hesitate to have R. Kelly write a song about it, I’m sure I’ll respond quickly.

You have my heart and my hands,

-Miles

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